I admit this is far fetched but I’m letting it out. Here is one of my two perspectives—I will type up the other within a few days. This tale is about a son and his father. The son makes a choice and goes off and lives his life the way he thinks will make him happy and the father lets him while resigning on trying to persuade his son otherwise. The son comes back to the father and says, “I did it my way dad, but I am not fulfilled and I need your advice how to find meaning in my life”. The father is a little bit stubborn and prideful in his relationship with his son, but respected and full of insight and the son really thinks his dad is wise and knowledgeable. The father looks at his son and tells him he is a smart man and proved himself to do what he set out to do and that within himself he has the answers for his life and that he does not need his fatherly advice because it was not taken when he wanted it to be. He did state that people don’t change. The son felt angry that the father would not give him the answer to fix his life and he thought in going to his dad, it would please his father and show an effort to repair his disobedience to his father’s advice. The son was angry about some of his choices, angry about everything and had to work out all the things that kept him from feeling fulfilled inside and then went back to his father years later. The son said, “I’ve changed inside dad, I made it work better than before and I feel more fulfilled and good about what I’m doing now. Thank you for not giving me the answer for my life. I figured it out on my own and I have truly changed for me and for you. What do you think about that dad?” The son thought surely his father would be proud of him and accept his choice now.

The father again discounted the son’s effort and choices by basically saying, squash a son’s spirit and you will never please me whether you think you know what’s best, you didn’t do it my way and I cannot accept that and the son felt rejected once again not feeling as though he had his father’s approval. The father will never truly understand his son and his son will never truly feel as though he has pleased his father and it crushes the son. The son may never change but neither will the father. The son loves the father and the father loves the son but the son needs the father to admit the son made a good choice for his life. The son’s choices hurt the father and the father’s lack of belief in and approval of the son hurts the son inside. The son will never feel he has viscerally pleased his father even if the father says he is pleased, the son won’t truly believe it and will need to hear it over and over and over in his head because of the belief that people don’t change instilled in him by his father. If only the father would focus more on the good in the son and the son would play back in his head what he needs to hear from his dad. He would never disrespect his father but what pops in his mind out of a sort of defeat is, Wham Bam thank you man! the son felt like his life was f*cked in regard to his father’s opinion no matter what he did or said, whether change occurred or not.

If you don’t think my interpretation is strange, get a load of this dream. (The only reason I’m posting this in hopes that my interpretation is even a little bit accurate and the dream is an extension of that which gives you resolution somehow if you have something to resolve).

A week ago I watched “The Tourist” and that is kind of the background setting. It would make sense that my brain would make you be that character because you are “masked” and I don’t know what your face looks like but you didn’t look like Johnny Depp, weren’t wearing a mask but your face was not revealed nor did you have a name, just your presence was represented in the scenario. I was in the dream to help you find the answer and I did not have a name nor was my face revealed, but I was me and you were you. The “movie” in my dream was not black and white, but most people were dressed in black and white…it had very mysterious lighting. I was helping you escape your parents. They were searching for you because they knew how to get into your mind with their words and they were almost haunting you. They wanted to help you but hurt you at the same time, not intentionally. They were chasing you. (All kinds of cool stunts and escape mechanisms occurred.) There were a few people along the way that helped find the ways to escape showing the secret passageways. Your mom was far behind and couldn’t find you. One male family member was at an escape entrance way which led to ending the chase. Just before your dad almost reached you, your right hand man pulls up in this thing called a helio just below the edge of the balcony which has broken stone rails. Your right hand man and I are not wearing black and white. The helio has helicopter type feet and is just a platform with one controller. Your right hand man is laying down so as to not be seen in having brought the helio to the rescue to transport us to safety. We step on the platform while he is securing our feet, he hands you the controller to fly the helio. It is the first time I am on a helio and I feel the wind on my face and the sensation of flying just a few feet above the water and it’s better than being on a boat, it’s freeing and exhilarating! The three of us arrive at an island. The island is a beautiful, peaceful place with a gentle breeze and the most beautiful shades of blue water with flowing white curtains on a cabana and palm trees, you could feel the soft breeze flowing in the quietness and stillness. You have a heavy sadness about your dad that you can’t shake because you may have escaped being somewhere else but you were still held captive. I tell you that your dad wants to hear you say the words, “I made the wrong choice” and he wants you to embrace him. You say, “I can’t honestly say that to him just to please him and make him proud because it’s not true”. I say, “regardless, you need to go and face your dad and tell him, let him know how you feel and what you need from him even if both of you will never agree on the choice”. You leave the island and you find your dad and you talk and you hug him having finally understood and broken free from the hurt.

Oh good, I’m still on the island and I get to ride the helio! What a fun, interesting, bizarre dream huh? Thank goodness this is an anonymous blog! I knew I unlocked my imagination, but yikes who knew it would start coming out in my dreams too! I should have realized whatever the last part of my day is, often gets incorporated into my dreams. I’ll be more careful not to write about your posts before going to sleep! I swear I’m never eating a black bean taco for dinner again…well maybe only if I want to ride on a helio! This thing needs to be invented, it was so much fun! I googled the word helio to see if such a thing existed and it showed the word helios which had to do with greek mythology which I never studied and it made some sense in regard to the dream. Now that felt a little cryptic! Okay, maybe it was that book I recently read, “The War of Art” and little muses were all over the place while I was sleeping? I hope no one interprets this dream to be something super weird or I think I’d feel so shy for having opened up but I’ll just categorize the dream as art for which one does not have to explain or defend in letting it exist freely.

The information in this dream will now erase itself from this post in 10 seconds, 9…8…7…6…5 (prepare for destruction of information transmitted)…4…3…2…1 Erasure begin…

(why is it still here?)

Oh well, have a great day! )

I think all of life is an experiment, because we can almost always chose to stop what we are doing and change our trajectory. Brililant!

http://thatwhichreallyis.blogspot.com

I can’t say I have ever felt hollow. I have felt numb and I have felt like I didn’t belong, confused, but never hollow. Only once in my life did I meet a “hollow” person. Who am I to judge, but it was the strangest thing and I was shocked that the words coming out of the person’s mouth were so nice and appreciative, but I could feel the emptiness as if they had no soul and were completely hollow inside from head to toe, like a cold dead shell of a body without a spirit. It felt as if the person was almost ghostly like they sold their soul to the devil (if that’s even possible). It was the strangest vibe I had ever picked up from someone. I was taken aback and it really made me think about this person and I felt so bad for the person that they would have to live with that feeling. I wondered if that is the way the person always felt inside or if it was for just for a while. I wondered if other’s felt this person’s hollowness but I never spoke of it to anyone. The person was a practical stranger, so I won’t ever find out if anything changed. Is that how you feel when you say hollow? I hope not…no one should have to live with that! My only conclusion is that the person must have a lot of pain inside that couldn’t be contained anymore and it was oozing out. To this day, I pray for that stranger to be filled with the love of God.

On to the next part. What about the saying you hear, “fake it till you make it”? Should we put our ideals in place of what we want for our lives, visualize and work toward our goal until faking it becomes reality?

Some lyrics to a song that seem to fit–it’s titled “Something’s Got To Change”

…the more of us we swallow
the more we become hollow
until we don’t know how to feel
we all want to find
something to satisfy
but we could never be enough
everybody says we’re all so different
but everybody knows we’re all the same
we’re all trying to find the pill to numb the pain
something’s got to change
when everything we say and take
just leads to war and hate
we only pass the blame
sedate the pain
and move along
but something feels so wrong
so deep inside
so hard to hide
so despreately we try and try
and we come to find
that we are not what we are looking for
I can’t believe I’m hearing people say that all is well
I think it’s time we all admit
we have no good within ourselves
’cause we are not okay
we’re not alright
we need to pray for help
forgive us for our pride
oh God, oh God
save us from ourselves…

I think we can only be who we are with the good, the bad and the ugly. Let it all out and be the best YOU, you can be regardless of what other’s think. Honest self expression is important because it’s about as close to genuine as you can get. Being in touch with who you are helps you to BE who you are. It’s a journey of discovery all along the way with a blueprint that’s already there. Each of us is a treasure to be discovered by ourselves and others. Who cares what other people think? Be you, be you, BE YOU! If you don’t like the bad or ugly part, focus on the good part and let that part of you shine as much as possible so the other parts you don’t like just don’t come out as much. That’s not wearing a mask, it’s saying, “hey, I’m not perfect” but I’m being true to who I am and there’s always room for improvement. You know who I am, I am an enthusiastic girl who radiates with happiness when I find things I like. I can’t help it, it just comes out that way. I am Sunshine. My mom gave me that name when I was a little girl and I believed her. I’ve had struggles, but I bounce back quickly peeking through the clouds. When it’s raining you can’t see me but I’m there and I’ll show you a rainbow. I have a good heart and if someone has a problem, I’ll help. In my heart I’m happy…I don’t really know why–I just accept it. Now, I don’t like some of my circumstances, but I endure them with a thankful heart and I always learn something. It takes time to learn, but once I’ve learned, I can share and help someone else struggling through what I’ve gone through. When I screw up, I get down on my knees and pray and it’s not long before everything’s okay (of course I have to deal with the consequences) and it’s the only way I can honestly live with myself. Whether someone believes in God or not is not my point (you have to admit it’s a very interesting topic of discussion while being one of the taboo things you’re not supposed to talk about). Why is that? My point is that in all my searching my entire life, the most real thing I have found is something I can’t see. The only conclusion that makes any sense in this mixed up world that makes me find any sort of fulfillment or sense of wholeness is God–and I even fail miserably in trying to go to God often. My life is in no way exemplary, but I don’t live to please a person or a group, I go to the Creator. I don’t live to be noticed, in fact it’s quite the opposite. I’d rather be a stranger that affects someone’s life in a positive way than be applauded for something I felt in my heart was right or kind to do. I’m not perfect and never will be, but I can live with my flaws because of God. And church, well, it’s an organization and you’ve got all kinds of people in it just like any other place. It’s supposed to be a place to learn about the Bible from someone who has studied it. In the book, “The Reason for God”, Tim Keller states, “church is not a museum for saints, it’s a hospital for sinners”. This isn’t some religious talk, but I wonder how people who don’t have God or hope or something bigger than themselves, belief–I don’t know how they can have peace or deal with the dark parts of themselves. What are your thoughts–how do you live with the dark parts of yourself? How do you feel a sense of wholeness and fulfillment? (I’m certain there is supposed to be a paragraph break somewhere in this conglomeration of thought).

The sage knows exactly what he is doing when he says *people never change* …he is challenging the potential for change which lies within each of us (if we choose to undergo such an initiation)…

…. The sage visitation gets the seeker to stop asking questions and just DO!

… The moral of the story is (perhaps?) NOT to look for answers external to ourselves but to engage the rubber with the road and embrace the journey…

…The sage was probably being deliberately annoying …knowing it would spur the seeker to greater action

… More so than if he said … *Oh yeah sure…you are gonna inevitably gonna crack it into the big time* … I can’t think of anything which would leave the seeker more flat….it would only lead to more questions…How? When? etc… and of course procrastination…

The sage challenges the seeker to ditch expectations and to carry himself through to the goal

The sage enabled the seeker to harness his inner strength and resolve… to tap into that force within.

The seeker knew all along that this was dormant within him and he was simply looking for a way to harness its power… he found it!