Archive for the ‘what makes us tick’ Category

Counting the Moments

Posted: September 29, 2012 in what makes us tick
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When people talk about traditions they typically mean rituals established by someone many generations ago. While I respect (most) traditions of this sort, to me another kind of traditions is way more important — traditions, established by me and by those I care about. Which is why I’m writing my September 28th post, even though I’m not back yet from my self-imposed hiatus. When you do something for three years in a row, it’s a tradition.

As usual on this date, I’ve spent some time thinking — maybe a bit harder than usual — about my favorite L-word. And as usual I realized something. Don’t expect a revelation. What you are about to read is as trivial as it gets when it comes to statements about life. What makes it special for me is that now I understand it deeper than I ever have. A warning: don’t read this if you’re easily depressed. I mean it. Just stop reading right here.

Do you ever get this feeling of moments being wasted as your life passes by? It passes right in front of your eyes, in all its glory and complexity — and you can’t help, but feel that these seconds are being thrown away. You can feel your body getting older with every passing moment, you can sense opportunities being ignored, risks not taken, life not lived. There are life experts around you telling you that life is too precious to be wasted, encouraging you to live it, screaming at you about planning it, establishing bold goals, going after them with everything you’ve got, taking charge, blah, blah, blah. But what do they know? They are people just like you, and their clock is ticking just as steadily. All you know is that you have a limited number of moments in this world and you’re just not using them right. And it sucks big time.

So you just think about something else. You choose not to think about that unstoppable timer. You pretend to forget. In fact, you do forget — until next time. But there always is that next time. And you know what it is? Slavery. We’re being held hostage to our fears. Fear of not using our time wisely. Fear of wasting our life. Fear of leaving this world eventually. And this is so wrong.

It’s wrong because it actually doesn’t matter how many moments we get. Well, it sort of does, but not in the way we usually think about it. These moments are not infinite anyway. Yes, I will run out of them at some point. But precisely because of this it is so dumb to waste any one of them worrying about running out of them eventually. It may happen in 40 years or in 5 hours. Who knows. And who cares? What matters is not how many moments I have left in the bank. What matters is how I spend them. Every single one of them. As it turns out, life is not about how many. It’s about how. Instead of counting the moments I should be living them.

Just like any statement about life these are just words. But once it sinks in, all of a sudden you realize that these words bring you closer to something all us want and only few truly achieve — freedom.

Integrity: Did You Know You Have It?

Posted: May 24, 2012 in motivation, what makes us tick
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Have you ever wondered if you’re a person of integrity? I’ve got good news for you: yes, you are. Always have been. Only it is likely not what you thought integrity was.

Integrity is consistency of actions and values. But despite of what you think your values are, real values are those that get manifested in actions, not the ones manifested in thoughts. If you wish to be strong, but act as a weakling, your true value is not strength, no matter how much you like to think of it. Your true value is weakness. You always stay true to your values. You may just not like them — the same way you can dislike your height, voice or color of your eyes. Yet, they are always there, defining everything you do.

But here’s the catch. Once you truly realize that your actions are the only manifestation of your values you have a choice. You can continue acting the same way you’ve always acted or start acting in accordance to the values you thought were yours. In the first case, you will continue longing for imaginary integrity based on phantom values, while slowly hating yourself and making endless Monday resolutions. In the second case, you will eventually get to the point where you’re proud of your true values — and yourself. That choice — and consistent non-stop adherence to it — is the only true test of your true values.

You always have integrity. But it can be either automatic mindless integrity by submission or conscious integrity by choice. And that choice is the foundation of every other choice you make in life.

The Test of a Small Screen

Posted: March 6, 2012 in what makes us tick
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Generally I adopt new tech very quickly. If something makes my life more convenient and is reasonably priced, I start using it right away. The most notable exception to this rule has been ebook reading. Although using ebooks and carrying an entire library with you beats paper books hands down when it comes to convenience, there is still something very special about reading a paper book. It’s the feel of holding it in your hands, turning its pages, feeling the texture of the paper. Ebooks don’t give you that. They are too impersonal. At least this has been the case for me until very recently.

But suddenly everything has changed. I’ve discovered an advantage of ebook that paper books cannot match. And it has nothing to with convenience. Try this: take any book and read a few pages of it on your phone. Not your Kindle. Phone. If you haven’t done this before, it may feel awkward at first. The pages are just too small and have enough room only for a few sentences on that screen. But that’s the point.

The small screen makes you see the text for what it really is. Meaningless words cannot hide anymore behind their more meaningful neighbours. If the text is full of fluff, your eye, trained for years to glance over it, no longer has this option. You are forced to read it — or turn the tiny pages so frequently that the process becomes tedious very soon. Every sentence, every word that’s been included into the text to hide its lack of clarity or substance is visible now. The text stands naked in front of you and has no place to hide.

A small screen shows the you integrity of the book — or lack thereof. It’s that quality that some of us seek in people and only few of us are lucky to discover. This quality is rare and not everyone wants to find it — or even deal with it — but those who do, know what I mean. Not many many books would pass the text of a small screen. Some well known titles would fail it miserably, while others, less famous and promoted, may show depth and clarity that may be overlooked easily in a larger format. And once you find a book like this, you’re in for a treat.

Wish it was that easy with people.

Are Dreams Real?

Posted: February 29, 2012 in Unmaskd Tales, what makes us tick
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A man stopped by the house of the world famous sage Puram Bam. Nobody answered his confident knock, so he opened the door and found the sage looking thoughtfully at two masks he held in his hands.
“I didn’t come for help, sage” the man said. “I’m not one of those who need you to tell them how to live their life. But I came to ask you a question.”
Puram Bam said nothing. He only set the masks on the small table in front of him. One mask was sad. Another one was smiling.
“You and others like you preach people to go after their dreams,” said the man. “I say it’s rubbish. Dreams are like smoke. They are not real. Blow at them — and they are gone. But they don’t let you see the real world, where you have to work to pay for your food and your home. You know that. So my question to you is, why do you keep telling people that nonsense?”
Puram Bam rocked in his chair.
“Are you sure dreams are unreal?” he asked. “You are in my dream now.”
The man laughed loudly.
“Spare me this nonsense, old man,” he said. “Leave that I-dream-the-world talk to the weak souls who are afraid of the real world. I don’t care for it.”
“And yet you’re living it,” said Puram Bam. “You call this a house, but for many years it had existed only in my mind. I dreamt of having a bungalow like this, with these white walls, and this fireplace, and these books, and even these two masks. I dreamt of becoming someone to whom some people would come for advice, while many would come to laugh at my words. It was only my dream, but over the years I made it a part of the real world. Yet it is still my dream and you’re standing in the middle of it.”
“Fine,” said the man. His voice was quieter now. “I see your point. But you knew what you wanted. Those who come to you don’t. That’s why they come. Why confuse them?”
“Do you know what you want?” asked Puram Bam.
“I want to have a good life,” said the man.”I have seventy, maybe eighty years in this world and I don’t want to spend them chasing after some nonsense. I work ten hours a day, but my job pays well. It gives me enough money to buy what I need, to live where I want and to entertain myself when I rest. I’m not an artist or a philosopher and I don’t have big ambitions. I only want to make enough to have a decent living. So why would I ever sweat myself making some dream come true, when my job gives me all I need?”
Puram Bam looked at two masks in front of him, as if choosing which one to put on his face.
“You’ve been sweating yourself to make a dream come true all your life,” he said.
“Rubbish!” said the man. “I’ve just told you–”
“Listen or leave.”
The man went silent.
“You’ve been sweating yourself to make a dream come true all your life,” Puram Bam repeated. “Not one dream. Many dreams. Just like all of us. Every part of the world you live in was someone’s dream once. The streets you walk, the books you read, the bread you buy, the laws you obey, the money you spend, even the words you speak — all of this had been born in someone’s mind before it was made real. The place where you work ten hours a day didn’t exist before someone’s mind created it. The world of people is nothing but dreams that came true. Some of these dreams are horrible, they are dreams of blood and pain, but they too, are someone’s dreams made real. So the answer to your question is simple. You spend your life making some dreams come true. You may as well choose your own dream.”
“But I don’t have a dream,” said the man. His voice was very quiet now.
“Everyone has a dream,” said Puram Bam. “Only most people forget it when they grow up.”
He stood up, walked to the fireplace and hung the masks on each side of it.
One mask was smiling. Another one was sad.

Do People Change?

Posted: February 22, 2012 in Unmaskd Tales, what makes us tick
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Do People Change?

A man came to see the world famous sage Puram Bam. He found the sage in his small bungalow, reading a thick black book.
“Oh wise sage,” he said. “I need your help!”
“Do you?” asked Puram Bam, his eyes on the thick black book.
“I don’t know how to live my life anymore!” said the man. “I know that I’m capable of great things and yet everything I’ve ever accomplished has been mediocre at best! I dream of glory, but my existence is dull. I set out to achieve brilliant things, but I settle too soon. I’m always busy, yet so little gets done. I get richer, but feel poorer. My face smiles, but my soul cries. I’m suffocating! I feel that I’m not living the life I was created to live.”
“Do you?” asked Puram Bam, his eyes still on the thick black book.
“I need your advice,” said the man. “How should I live my life without feeling that I’m wasting my years? You’re so wise. Please help me!”
Puram Bam looked up.
“You’re a smart man,” he said. “You already know the answer. People don’t change.”
And he returned to reading his thick book.
The man’s face became red like a ripe tomato. He stood up.
“I see,” he said. “Thank you for sharing your wisdom, sage.”
And then he left. Now his face was white as stone. And there was cold fire in his eyes that hadn’t been there before.
Years passed.
One day the same man appeared at Puram Bam’s door again. He looked at Puram Bam who was reading a thin white book. He smiled.
“I came to thank you,” he said.
“Did you?” said Puram Bam, his eyes on the thin white book.
“You probably don’t remember me, but years ago you said I would never accomplish anything. I’ve proved you wrong.”
“Have you?” asked Puram Bam, his eyes still on the thin white book.
“Yes,” said the man. “Yes, I have. When I left your house I was angry. Angry at you, angry at myself, angry at the entire world. But soon I realized that anger would not get me far. I wanted to show you and myself that I could change. And so I stopped doing what didn’t matter, and I let go things that meant nothing to my soul, and I started to work harder than I had ever worked in my life. And every time I was about to give up or settle for a mediocre result or let go my dreams, I heard your words ringing in my ears. People Don’t Change. But they do! I’m living proof of that. I have accomplished great things, I do what I love and I no longer feel that I’m wasting my time. Now I’m living the life I’ve always felt I was created for. I’m living every moment of it and this is the best feeling in the world! And I feel like I’m just getting started. So I came here to thank you and tell you that you were wrong about me.”
“Was I?” asked Puram Bam.
He looked up from his book and said, “Squash a caterpillar — and it will never become a butterfly. Yet it is born to be one. People don’t change.”
And he went back to reading his thin white book.

To Fake or Not to Fake… Is That a Question?

Posted: February 9, 2012 in mask, what makes us tick
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Let’s face it, most of us have faked something in life. Feelings, expertise, attention, indifference — there’s so many things you can fake. Yes, that thing too. Sometimes faking is necessary, sometimes it’s the most natural thing to do and sometimes it’s even fun. But doing it for too long is a bad idea. It will turn into poison.

Very few things will wear you down as much as constant mask wearing. Pretending to be someone you’re not may be ok for a while, but at some point tiredness kicks in. Regardless of what people think of you, you know you’re a fake. You can fool others, but can’t fool yourself. You feel hollow inside. You want to take that real feeling or lack of interest — whatever it is that you’re hiding — and shove it into people’s faces. You want them to see the real you, regardless of the implications.

But the major danger isn’t tiredness. It’s that once you wear a mask for too long you may become it. Instead of being the genuine you, you start investing more and more time and effort into keeping your mask believable. And at some point you’re no longer living your own life. You’re living the life of a mask you’ve invented. And that’s a pretty pathetic way to live.

P.S. I have no doubt this post will be misinterpreted by many readers.

Waking Up in a New World

Posted: February 1, 2012 in a lonely journey, what makes us tick
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Imagine this situation. A man wakes up in a world he knows nothing about. It’s full of objects he’s never seen before. It’s full of people he’s never met before.

He doesn’t speak the language they speak. In fact, he doesn’t even understand the very basic concepts they rely upon. He knows nothing about their society, history or traditions. He is completely socially handicapped and wouldn’t survive in their world without help for more than a day. For some reason, he also faces enormous physical challenges. He is much, much weaker than people surrounding him. He can hardly move. He can hardly see. He can’t speak a word even when he tries imitating others. He’s completely at their mercy.

And on top of all that he knows nothing about his past. He has no idea where came from. He doesn’t know his own name. He is clueless of who he really is. He has no past and his future is completely uncertain.

Luckily for him, the people surrounding him are nice. They feed him. They keep him warm. They help him become stronger. They also teach him their language, introduce him to the basics of their society, and make him feel more at home. They even give him a new name.

Days go by, and he becomes more and more accustomed to living in their world. Eventually he starts thinking about it as his own world. Occasionally he still wonders who he really is, how he ended up in their world and what his purpose in life had been. But the world around him keeps him busy. There’s so much to learn to become a fully functional member in that extremely complex society. So many things, customs and traditions to understand. So many facts to memorize. So many tiny goals to accomplish. And eventually he stops wondering about his real identity. He’s happy with the one his new world has given to him. He’s just too busy to wonder about things like this. And so he gives up without even realizing this. His happiness is no longer about finding out his real purpose or who he really is. It’s about succeeding in the world he lives in.

It could have been a plot for a sci-fi novel. But it isn’t. This is the story of everyone of us. You. Me. Countless others.

Whether it’s sad or happy, it’s up to you to decide.

Biting the Bullet and Facing the Music

Posted: December 8, 2011 in a lonely journey, what makes us tick
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Life is full of tough choices. Some are tough to make. Others are tough to live with. But the hardest ones are those that we avoid making — sometimes for years. You keep dancing around a choice like this, pretending it’s not there, but deep in your heart you are fully aware of its existence. And one day you realize that unless your stop the lulling music and face that hard, bloody painful choice, you’ll spend the rest of your life wondering what would’ve been like to make it. You know that once you make this choice, there will be no way back. You’ll be walking down the path leading you to the truth — and that truth may turn out to be truly ugly. But not facing it means living your life a coward. And such a life isn’t worth much, no matter how shiny it may look to others.

I’ve been dancing around a choice like this for my entire adult life. Now my time is running out. It’s always been, but now it has gotten to the point where not making the choice means giving up. So I’m making it. There’s no way back. There’s just a path to walk. And at the end of it lies the truth. Whether ugly or beautiful, it is there and I’ll see it pretty soon.

I’m going to be busier than I’ve ever been, so I’ll be out for a while. So I wanted to stop by and tell everyone who cares that I haven’t forgotten about any of you. I appreciate all the messages you’ve sent to me while I was out and all the kind words you’ve said. This means a lot to me. And I’m stopping by to say “later”, not to bid farewell. I don’t know when is “later” is going to be, but I plan to be back.

I can only smile at all the fresh rumors and speculations related to my identity. People claiming to know who I am, don’t understand the irony of their claims. I, myself, don’t know who I am. But I’m about to find out. It’s so much easier to live believing you’re a genius who failed to realize his potential, than knowing that you are simply a mediocrity with groundless aspirations. But I’d rather die knowing that I gave it all and failed, than spend my life living a sweet comforting lie.

The Courage to Live

Posted: September 29, 2011 in what makes us tick
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We all have our special dates, places and memories. As I mentioned previously, September 28 has become my special date, though not in a traditional sort of way. It just has a special meaning for me, and as it turned out today, for more than one reason. It’s a time to reflect on a year and to think about the road ahead. So it’s not a surprise that I’ve spent a fair amount of time today doing that. And just like a year ago, I’ve realized something new.

Have you ever thought about what makes people respect and cherish memory of someone they’ve never met? Someone who’s lived years before they were even born? There are graves in this world that get visitors every day, year after year. There are names, which are remembered with more just admiration for centuries.  I can’t speak for everyone, but I’m sure most of us have some role models — people we respect immensely, who inspire us, who help us become better versions of ourselves. We never knew them, we never met them, we might have been born after they left this world — and yet their presence in our lives goes far beyond their legacy whatever it might be.

It has just occurred to me today why we feel their presence so strongly. True, their accomplishments matter a great deal, but it is not what makes a “larger than life” person so special. We admire accomplishments while reading theirs book, listening to their music, watching their movies. These accomplishments may inspire our own thoughts, and yet they are not what makes presence of these people so special in our hearts. It’s the way they lived their lives.

After all, they were humans too. Yes, they were talented humans — some of them were talented beyond belief — but it is not what makes countless others cherish their names. They faced their share of problems and challenges — and sometimes these challenges were much greater than those that we face. They had the same time to spend in this world that we do, in fact many of them had way less time than an average life span. And yet they found courage to make a real difference. To get so much done. To push their own limits — which they all had — so far out. They found the courage to live. Not to exist, which in the absence of war, crime and suffering is so easy. But to live. To evolve. To prevail in their own struggles. To transform themselves day after day and to end up the people remembered by generations.

They were not bigger than their own lives. They were just bigger than our lives. And that’s why they keep inspiring us. We have our own battles to fight and our own limits to push. But to do that we need to find the same courage to live they had found. For there’s no better inspiration than someone’s Life.

Make It Or Break It

Posted: September 23, 2011 in a lonely journey, motivation, procrastination, what makes us tick
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When a year ago I posted my letter from a swamp, many of my readers assured me that procrastination is a very natural thing. You know, some of them said, maybe there’s a good reason for it. Maybe you actually need it. Back then I didn’t agree with that point of view, finding it too convenient and relaxing. But today, a year later, it seems rather attractive. Because seeing it this way would mean that I’ve just done something natural, maybe even necessary, as opposed to just wasting a couple of hours of my life. It would also mean that I didn’t shy away from a challenge, which is what it suspiciously feels like.

About a month ago I set a pretty challenging goal for myself. I was generous and gave myself plenty of time to accomplish it. The deadline is September, 28th — a date that means a lot to me. The goal came with a twist. It was set as a “make it or break it” deal, meaning that if I fail to accomplish it by the deadline, I would never accomplish it. While the deadline was somewhat arbitrary, the “make it or break it” part wasn’t. In the past I’ve made deals like this with myself and the only reason they really worked was that down to the bottom of my heart I knew that it was serious. But this time I maybe a bit over my head. As I get closer and closer to the deadline, it becomes harder and harder to fight the “natural” and “needed” procrastination.

My guess is that by succumbing to it, I’m subconsciously trying to avoid a failure. There would be a internal excuse that would leave some room for “hey, I could’ve done it, had I not been weak” reasoning. But deep inside I know better. Just a few days from now I will either accomplish that goal — or fail. Whether I fail because I’m not capable enough or because I’m not strong enough, the reason won’t matter. A failure will be a failure, no matter how I choose to decorate it. The only thing that matters is the result.

Stay tuned…

Unmaskd Manifesto

Posted: September 7, 2011 in motivation, what makes us tick
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Some of you may remember this post. I’m not a big fan of remixes, but recently I came across the most inspirational piece of music I’ve ever heard. Now it all fits together perfectly.

 

While making this video I realized that it’s been almost a year since I came up with these words. I wish I could say that I had strength to live every one of these 355 days the way I wanted. But at least now I’m stronger than I was a year ago.

Awakening

Posted: September 1, 2011 in a lonely journey, what makes us tick
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Life is a series of realizations, and this blog has turned into a place of documenting mine. Today I’ve realized something new. It’s another old truth that all of a sudden has started making sense…

For a while — at least for 10 years — I’ve been waiting for a moment that for the lack of a better term I’ve been calling Awakening. It’s a moment when everything will become crystal clear. When I will no longer doubt my life’s purpose. When sticking to any decision will be as easy as making it. When every moment of my life will become rich beyond imagination. I’ve never known how — and if — I would ever get to that state, but I’ve never doubted that it getting there is possible. So I’ve been searching for ways to get there, going through some false awakenings, experiencing some glimpses of bright clarity only to realize later that it wasn’t it. I’ve learned to use every failure as a stepping stone and to treat every experience as a part of my path. But today I realized something that changes the whole notion of Awakening.

Awakening is not possible, at least not in a way I’ve been imagining it. Life will never be easy. Sticking to a decision will never be effortless. Doubts about my goals in life will never go away. I will always be the same searching, questioning, doubting human. But what I can get is strength. Strength to stick to my decisions, strength to face — and live with — every choice I make, strength to fully embrace the constant uncertainty that we call life. And that strength — like any strength — can’t be obtained in a moment. It can’t be obtained without an effort. It has to be built. Built with every choice, with every action, day after day, year after year.

And maybe, just maybe, this realization in itself is the closest thing to Awakening that I will ever experience.

Your Life Is Your Most Important Legacy

Posted: August 10, 2011 in a lonely journey, what makes us tick
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I wouldn’t even pick up a book like this, yet sometimes I find myself right in the middle of this dull boring story. And every time I have to remind myself that I’m not only its protagonist. I’m it’s author. Not the publisher. Not the reader. The writer. The one, who day after day creates this story called My Life. And while factors beyond my control may prevent me from writing it, when do I write, I am in charge. And this story that I create line by line, page by page will be only legacy. And I wish so much I could erase some pages — or even chapters — but alas, they are written in stone.

But at least I can make the coming pages better. After all, if I don’t make them better, no one ever will. This is my story.

Magic

Posted: July 8, 2011 in rhymed musings, what makes us tick
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                      – Inspired by all the Goodbye-Harry-and-You-Know-Who buzz 

The world is too big and life is too short,
You are no Harry and no Voldemort.
Not even a sidekick — bystander at best,
Watching the heroes to go on a quest.

Exit the theater, close the book,
Hear one more sound, take one more look.
It felt so real, but magic is gone
You are not Chosen, you are just one.

One of the many, who fell under a spell,
Those who have dreams, but no story to tell.
Running away from a life so mundane
That in the mornings it drives you insane.

A lie. An escape. But here’s a twist:
Some years ago it didn’t exist.
Heroes and villains, wizards and wands —
Someone like you made them real at once.

Take a deep breath. Close your eyes.
Feel all the doubts melting like ice.
Life may be short, but it can be a ride.
There is magic. Right there. Inside.

A Simple Truth

Posted: May 2, 2011 in motivation, what makes us tick
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This has occurred to me just recently even though the theme of failing and getting up has been a big part of my life for many years. It is so simple that it surely would sound like a “Well, duh!” statement for most people. But to me it has a much deeper meaning. It feels like I’ve found the right words to express what I’ve been trying to grasp for a while:

You don’t know how weak you are until you fall. You don’t know how strong you are until you get up.

Lost & Found

Posted: January 22, 2011 in mind, what makes us tick
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Wouldn’t it be cool if lost & found service worked not only for umbrellas and shirts? Sometimes we lose things that are way more important…

- …It seems that I have lost my confidence.
- Let me see sir. We have a special bin for those. Anything distinctive about yours?
- Don’t know. I’m not sure. Not sure about anything actually… It’s nothing special. Just your average everyday confidence.
- Slightly used, but in good condition? This one?
- Yes!
- Here you go, sir.
….
- I think I lost my conscience. Can’t find it anywhere.
- Sorry, sir, but allow me to disagree.
- How come?
- If you’re looking for your conscience, you haven’t really lost it.
…
- Hey! I lost my patience! I mean I REALLY need it! As in NOW! RIGHT NOW!
- No worries, sir, here it is. Please… allow me… Ouch!
- Thank you. You’ve been so helpful. Why are you so pale?
- It’s ok sir… It’s ok… The important thing is you have your patience back.
….
- You know… last night… I’m not sure how to say it… I lost my… Well… my… my virginity. I mean I think I lost it… Do you have it by any chance?…
- Sorry, mam. Never seen one of these turned in. But it’s ok. You’ll get used to it.
….
- My mind! It’s lost! I lost it! I’m doomed! I’m doomed!!
- Let me check, sir. We had several turned in last night. It’s the season, you know. Overall in a decent shape, higher than average IQ, with a tendency to be pessimistic?
- Yes! Yes! Yes!
….
- I lost sleep…
- Could it be this one, mam?
- Oh, thank you!
- My pleasure. It looks like it’s wrapped up in some groundless doubts, so let me unwrap it for you.
….
- Yo, dude! I lost my cool. It’s gone. Just gone. Can you help me, bro?
- Certainly, Mr. Dude. Certainly. Here it is. We knew you’d stop by.
….
- I lost my appetite. Has anyone–
- Please take it! it’s been smelling like pizza for two days here.
….
- I lost my soul.
- Unfortunately, sir, no one brings here items that were sold to them voluntarily.
….
- I lost my youth. Been searching for it for a while. Can you check if–
- I’m sorry, sir. I’m certain we don’t have it. People never turn these in. Finders – keepers.
….
- Last month I lost my heart.
- You should be more careful wearing it on your sleeve. But let me check…
….
- I lost hope.
- No you didn’t, sir.
- Huh? I’m telling you I lost hope. Isn’t it your job to help me find it?
- No sir. No one can help you find hope.
- Why?
- Because it’s impossible to lose it. You live – you hope.

A Mask, a Book and a Quote

Posted: January 9, 2011 in mask, what makes us tick
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One day a book will be written about this Unmaskd experiment. Well, maybe it will. An odd, strange book that at this point exists only in a shape of disjointed thoughts, images and ideas in one pretty troubled mind. But when — and if — it is written, and when — and if — it is published, it will include a quote from the message that today was DM’d to Unmaskd Twitter account by one very shrewd person.

You’re not REALLY Batman or Superman. Stop trying to dominate the world and just dominate your own. Make it beautiful.

You know who you are. Thank you.

Who’s There, Behind the Mask?

Posted: December 27, 2010 in mind, what makes us tick
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For a guy whose identity has remained unknown for nearly a year, I surely haven’t been blogging much about masks. Well, I haven’t been blogging much recently, period. With this post I’m addressing both gaps. This is not a return to a regular posting schedule, but then again I haven’t been really gone, as those of you who read my tweets and tumbls know. Now let’s cut the introduction and get to the point.

Have you ever thought that you wear a mask every day? Of course you have. Everybody has. And have you thought that you wear multiple masks every day? One at work, another at home, one more with friends, yet another one with strangers, and so on and so forth. Another familiar thought, isn’t it? So here comes the interesting part, has it occurred to you that by wearing some mask pretty much every minute of your life, you get used to wearing masks so much that you don’t know what it is like not to wear one? It’s like having a name — we all associate ourselves with one, yet this is only a label that helps others identify us. But even trying to imagine a life without a name is hard.

So what if you were to take these masks off one by one? First would go the most familiar ones, those we wear at work and with strangers. Then will come the turn of those that we don’t really count as masks… those that our families and friends see. Then the “I’m alone” mask would come off. Yes, it’s a mask too, since even alone we keep thinking thoughts we’re used to think, makes gestures we’re used to make and seek things we’re used to seek.

And the real question is, what would remain once there are no masks left to take off? What — or maybe who – is hiding behind them?

Stepping Through the Looking-Glass

Posted: October 1, 2010 in a lonely journey, mind, what makes us tick
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I have a thing for a good opening line. No matter what I write, I want to grab attention of my reader in first 10 words. But this time I don’t want to be fancy. This time I want to start with simple words:

Thank you!

Thank you everyone who took time to post a comment, to tweet, to send a DM on this topic. My previous post, unlike most others, was way more applicable to me than to anyone else. We all can relate to a procrastination tale, but pondering over “to blog or not to blog” decision is certainly less common. So thank you for sharing your thoughts.

The decision has been made. I’m sticking around. At least for some time. There will be a new home for the Unmaskd journey, and although at the beginning it will look very similar to this one, over time the difference will start showing up. Ironically, many people misunderstood the whole point of “going big”, which I can attribute only to my cryptic way of expressing my thoughts. It’ll all make sense at some point. But to be clear, I have no intention or even desire to be a motivational self-help guru. This is all about a journey. My journey.

This process has started years ago for me, and yet it would always bring more frustration than satisfaction. I would take a step forward only to follow it with two quick steps backward. I would try a bunch of approaches to find my inner strength only to let it slip through my fingers a week later. I would fail more often than succeed. This is no longer the case.

Over the last few months I did more for “becoming one” than I’ve done in my life. Moreover, the depth and density of the effort I went through over the last week is more than anything I’ve done. It feels different. The results are different. My view of the world is different. I know. I’ve been through too many fake awakenings. But you always know the difference between dreaming and reality (no matter what Inception tries to tell us). This time it’s real. I’ve gone through the looking-glass I peered into for years. And the timing is not random at all. Talking about this openly as Unmask has been a major factor in this process. In fact, it the single most important factor. I didn’t expect this to happen, but it did, and now I can only wonder if this is what I was  shooting for subconsciously when I went to Twitter sign up page and typed Unmaskd.

As important as the last few months have been, this is just another stage. The journey is only to become more intense, more fulfilling. So I’m not giving up on my umaskd writings. I need it. But since I’m doing this anyway, I think my impact could be bigger.

I can’t say yet how soon this blog will migrate to its new home. I’m going to be very busy over the next months with a couple of projects, so it may take a week or a month. But it will happen sooner or later. This by far is not my major project, but I’ll be investing enough time into it to make it meaningful.

And let me finish with the same totally unoriginal line. Thank you. I’ll see you around.

Unmaskd at the Crossroads

Posted: September 23, 2010 in a lonely journey, what makes us tick
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Time flies and it always flies a bit too fast. It’s hard to believe, but it’s been over 6 months, since I first tweeted as Unmaskd. This journey has come to a crossroads, and today I’d like to shed some light on Unmaskd’s origins and the dilemma I’m facing.

Once upon a time… No, that sounds too much like a certain fairy tale. The reality was simple. Unmaskd account on Twitter was born in 10 min, from the idea to the the first cry i.e. tweet. There was no meticulous planning, no agenda, no deliberate considerations. Like many things, it came out of a moment of frustration. I don’t even remember what it was, but something made me go “Man, do I wish I could always say what’s on my mind!” You know what I mean, right? Expressing yourself without thinking twice, without trying to impress, without considering consequences. Expressing yourself openly with no regrets. And then it hit me: I actually can! Five minutes later the first Unmaskd tweet went out to the twitteverse.

Then there was my Twitter “bio”. Those of you who remember these days, asked me more than once why I changed it later. The thing is, my original Twitter bio (while true) was intentionally worded to draw attention. I needed audience. You don’t need Twitter to speak to yourself. Later it became more of an inconvenience and so I changed it. Speaking of bios, I also want to bring some clarity into my “celebrity” claim to end certain speculations once and for all. Let me be crystal clear: I am not a A-list celeb. Neither I am a lying through my teeth wannabe, as some people have boldly suggested. According to this research paper, I’m in “C” category. If you google my name you get about 90,000 hits. Hardly Paris Hilton. I know that some people are still following me, secretly hoping that I’m John Mayer or Jim Carrey or Joaquin Phoenix, but I am none of these guys. Really. Oh, and while we’re on the subject of gender I’m a guy (which all of my regular readers have already figured somehow). There’s a small chance you’ve seen my picture or read an interview with me, or are familiar with my works, but you certainly have never seen me mingling with the Oscar crowd. Identity issue covered. Check. Back to the Unmaskd journey.

At first it was just about blurting out whatever came to mind. Talking to strangers, joking, replying to fascinating ID tweets and so on. It was fun. For about a week or two. Than it became boring. I was about to let go the whole unmaskdness and then an interesting thing happened. Surprisingly to myself, I started talking about things I really cared about. As it turned out, it wasn’t just about speaking my mind. It was about speaking my mind on topics that truly meant something for me. And in my case those were subjects like self-discovery, self-motivation, inspiration, imagination, mind, fully realizing my potential, taking responsibility for my choices and actions. Notice the focus on “self”. As I’ve mentioned a few times, I don’t aspire to be the next Tony Robbins. I have enough of a hard time motivating myself. But apparently, sharing some of this soul searching, and frustrations with my own weakness, and some kick-my-own-lazy-ass moments was helpful for others. And so I kept unmasking, sharing more and more, and getting to know some of my readers better than I know some people I talk to every day.

Then there was poetry (or “rhymed musings” as I call it, since poetry is too eloquent of a word to describe the songs I come up with). I’ve never had such a broad audience for my poetry before, and hearing all the feedback was very rewarding. My readers and their words are the only reason these rhymed musings came into existence. I don’t think this would have ever happened had I tried going the traditional find-a-poetry-magazine route or dropped my verses at one of the online poetic forums (which I have to admit I’ve never been to and likely never will be).

Then there were Q&As ranging from deep to odd, posters, tumblings, and even a video. As you can see, the Unmaskd stint was going well. Yet being the guy I am, it wasn’t enough. It still isn’t. The way I way approach many things in life is “go big or go home”. Some would call it ambition, others would say it’s arrogance, but to me it’s a reflection of a simple fact that my clock is ticking. Over time, my Unmaskd identity has become too small. I still enjoy sharing my thoughts and discussing them with my readers (and there are a few dozen unwritten posts roaming my mind), but my life is already on several fast tracks. Adding another one is not really an option unless it replaces some other things I’m doing during 19 hours that I’m awake on an average day.

So here’s my dilemma: I either “go home” (i.e. stop my Unmaskd activities altogether) or go big. And I mean BIG. I’m not talking money (though it’d be nice). I’m not talking number or followers on Twitter (though it wouldn’t hurt). I’m talking about impact. People keep telling me that my thoughts, ideas and values, as well their conversations with other readers are helping them. If that’s the case, I don’t see why it should be limited to 1000 people on Twitter and a few hundred blog subscribers. How about a million or two? Yes, I’m serious. More importantly, it’s not just about my thoughts. It’s about growing that community we have created — quite unexpectedly — around this blog, and taking it to a completely different level. When I sent out “What should be the name of Unmaskd site” poll it wasn’t about dropping “wordpress” from my blog’s URL. It was about creating a place where people who want to grow, to be better at whatever they choose to focus on, to do what they believe they were meant to do, can connect. Where everyone can go unmaskd and perhaps, just like I did, get surprised by the results.

That would be a major commitment on my part and I don’t like leaving things half-done. I’m simply not good at going half-way. So that’s my dilemma. I don’t know yet which road I will ultimately take. But I’ll make the call pretty soon and will stick to it. At the very beginning of the Unmaskd journey I said my only promise was “no bullshit”. That’s why you’re reading this post. And that’s why you will know once I decide one way or another.

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